Just a quick ultimatum

HAIRDRESSERS OF THE WORLD!

I tolerate you people and your incessant chit-chat because I do not possess the skills necessary to cut my own hair in a way that does not make me look like some sort of hair monster. Keep in mind that should I obtain these skills, your services will no longer be needed. I may or may not purge your kind from this miserable planet. Thereby making it a much better place.

Just thought you ought to know.

A very special failure from our favorite moron detectives

Season 9 episode 11

Streetwise

Dear Brain,

It may come as a shock to you to hear this, but three am is not writing time. It is sleeping time. Kindly shut the fuck up so I can get some sleep. Seriously, I didn't sleep at all last night and aside from an hour long nap this morning I haven't slept at all tonight either. I know I've told you that three am is writing time in the past, and this may be sending you mixed signals. Trust me when I say that when the sun is down, it is generally considered time to sleep. We are not creatures of the night. Now, let me go to sleep. Please.

Law and Order: Moron Detective Unit

Lately I've been watching a lot of Law and Order: SVU and there's something that's been bothering me about it. The two leads, Stabler and Benson suck at their jobs. Every week the ADA comes to them and says some variation of, "You idiots! Your inability to follow basic procedure has gotten the main evidence against the defendant thrown out by the judge of the week. Now you've got a day to get me something I can use against him/her. Don't fuck it up this time." They generally do, but it wouldn't be a problem if they didn't suck at being cops.

Stabler generally gets in trouble for roughing up a suspect. Because he's got some serious anger management problems. Get it? Because he's the least stable member of the team. Way to go writers. You've made a very good ironic pun right there.

Benson, I don't even know what her problem is. She gets all up in the victim's business, and then they become best buddies forever, and then the victim always ends up doing something to jeopardize the case or their own life. Then she somehow ends up blaming herself, or getting in trouble with the higher ups, and the rest of the episode is spent on her agonizing over how to fix it.

As I already said, they suck at following police procedure. Every week they end up getting confessions thrown out because they were talking to the defendant before his lawyer showed up after s/he asked for one. Or my personal favorite, they weren't able to use DNA evidence because Benson stole the underwear of a rape victim from the victim's apartment.

Honestly, if I were their captain those two would have been shipped off to traffic violations so fast their heads would spin. I mean it's every week the ADA has to come in and give them that speech. Munch and Finn never have to get that talk. Maybe because they're almost never the focus characters. Come to think of it, whenever those two are they generally fuck something up too.

Perhaps it's a curse on whoever is the main character of the episode.

About that announcement

I had originally intended to start the project Monday. Today I guess, but that didn't pan out. I've got a ton of class work that I'm behind on, and need some time to dig myself out of the hole I managed to stick myself in. The project should start soon, but no promises on a date. If I had to guess, I'd say it would start late April, early May. The end of May at the latest. Again, no promises. Sorry about the delay.

Announcement

I know this seems kind of sudden, but I've decided to re-read the entire Clan of the Cave Bear series from the beginning. I haven't read these books in years, although from what I hear that doesn't matter much for the sixth book. Anyway, since I'm doing this, I figure I may as well take you down with me.

All the credit for this idea goes to the lovely Mark of Mark Reads. If you've never heard of him, shame on you. http://markreads.net/reviews/ Go read his stuff. He's just about the greatest person ever, and you should give him all the love. All. Of. It.

Anyway, I wonder if I'll be able to pull off a big project like this. Wish me luck.

JEAN M. AUEL!

The fuck do you mean there's another Clan of the Cave Bear book? I thought Shelters of Stone was going to be the last one! What the fuck do you mean it's 757 pages long? Still, I do enjoy the anthropological aspects of the series. I guess I have no choice but to read it. Curse you Jean M. Auel!

Oh Pandora

Normally you're pretty suck, but you've just played like three of my favorite songs in a row. As I established earlier, I have to drop everything I'm doing to dramatically lip sync. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but I'm really trying to finish my creative writing project, and you're not making it any easier on me. Please go back to sucking. I have to write another fifteen pages by noon, and you are not making it any easier.

Thanks in advance,
Blanche

Music

Specifically Nightwish. I know I'm late to the Tarja vs Anette debate, but I've got two copper-based representation of the smallest unit of US currency to put into that particular piggy bank, and then I'll move on. I've got no particular beef with Anette, she's a talented singer in her own right. Now that I've made this clear, I hate new Nightwish. This would not be so if they had changed the name of the band when the lead singer left. Call me a sucky music appreciate-y person, but as far as I'm concerned the lead singer really sets the sound of the music. Tarja sounds vastly different from Anette, the style of the music changed along with the singer. When I think Nightwish I think Nemo and I Wish I Had an Angel, not Amaranth. Again, I like Amaranth, but it doesn't strike me as a Nightwish song. That being said, Last of the Wilds is one of my favorite songs ever. Seriously.

Additionally, it doesn't matter what I'm doing, if a song I like comes on while I'm listening to Pandora or my iPod, I will stop and lip sync dramatically. This is non-negotiable. I get a lot of stares that way, but fuck those guys. They're just jealous they can't take part in my dramatic lip syncing. Well, they could. I'm all for people joining in, but they so rarely do. Oh well.

Hey There!

Hello fine people who are reading this! I'm not going to waste you time with a self indulgent introduction. I'm sure you are all intelligent enough to infer whatever you need to know about me from my posts.

But what kind of things will I be posting? All kinds. I like things. I like to talk about things. This post is really just a placeholder. I hate looking at the empty blog.